1. A CD of cats meowing popular Christmas songs.
2. A chew toy with the head already gnawed off by his canine brother who chewed his way into the gift box around the 15th of the month.
3. A chew toy shaped like a shoe which he is immediately going to confuse with the right sneaker of your favorite pair.
4. Central A/C for his Dogloo when you're still using individual wall units that are barely up to cooling a small close-size area in your house.
5. Anything Garfield.
6. A remote control for the refrigerator door.
7. A knitted pink sweater that makes your macho doberman look like a poodle.
8. A deluxe pre-packaged treat-filled Christmas stocking that's large enough for you to use as a sleeping bag.
9. Doggie antlers when your near-sighted hunting relatives will be spending the holidays with you.
10. A stuffed toy dog with an angel's halo as a hint as to what he has to do to get more presents next year.
11. A doggie door between you and the suspicious butcher next door.
12. An audition for a diet dog food commercial where they feed him so much during retakes that he actually gains weight.
13. A piece of jewelry featuring a ceramic dog of his breed for you to wear.
14. His own Internet Pet Supplies credit card.
15. A cat.
Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.
~Josh Billings
