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This is a test to determine if people are truly ready for a dog. They will be stressed to every limit, with little mercy shown.
If the Potential Puppy Owner passes, they will be given a license to start learning about the breed of their choice. Hereinafter the Potential Puppy Owner will be referred as PPO.
Under no circumstances will physical force, yelling, cursing, or threatening will be used. Protective padding, or soil proof clothes of any sort are NOT permitted.
Small wounds and scratches will be handled in a blasé manner. Washing water, and a bandage will be distributed to each PPO.
Tests will be held in a variety of environments. >From crowded interiors to muddy fields, to brush. PPO must enter all environments with a happy face.
PPO will only have one set of clothes permitted. If at any time, they are seen wiping off dog hair or saliva, they will fail.
Test PPO must control a highly stimulated 10 month old male German Shepherd puppy. PPO must be able to calm down the dog into a down position in 2 minutes. Only a flat buckle collar and nylon lead will be issued.
PPO must stand in between a 14 month old Labrador Retriever puppy and a field. The handler of the puppy will then throw a ball directly in the path of the PPO. PPO must stand their ground and take their clobbering in good nature.
PPO must serve dinner to six Boxer puppies. The puppies will be no older than six months and no younger than four months. PPO must not spill the food and the puppies will not be held in any stay position.
PPO must quiet either four Shetland Sheepdogs, or six Pomeranians when the doorbell rings. PPO has two minutes and all dogs will be off lead. The dogs must have been handled previously by a breeder immune to the noise, and living in the middle of nowhere.
PPO must hold their ground with 10 Jack Russell Terriers chasing a animal that they see as prey. PPO must hold their leashes and not move more than 6 inches. No corrections will be issued, but PPO is welcome to try and distract them.
PPO Must hold their ground with 2 Great Danes on ice. They may not move more than 100 ft.
PPO Must play with a male Newfoundland after the dog has been swimming in a pond. They must attempt to dry themselves off with a tea towel. At no time, will the PPO react disgusted.
PPO Must leave two huskies alone with their home for 3 hours uncrated. The dogs will not be kept in a room where any posed danger to themselves is prominent. PPO must not loose temper with the dogs. PPO may cry however.
PPO Must groom an adult male Collie blowing coat completely within 25 minutes. Eyes, Nails, Paws, Ears, Teeth and Coat. The dog will be recently bathed to give PPO a good chance.
PPO must be introduced into a pack of Beagles ready for a hunt, without cringing at the noise.
PPO must fit a Basenji into a weather protective coat within 5 minutes. The Basenji will have never been trained to wear protective clothing before.
PPO must remove the thistles out of the coat of a American Cocker Spaniel. The coat will only be medium length, but all thistles will be removed by hand and a fine toothed comb.
PPO must exercise a Vizsla who has not received exercise for 2 days. PPO must not tire out before the dog.
PPO must sleep in the room with a Bulldog. If PPO does not get any sleep, they must appear cheerful and sunny.
PPO must clean the yard of a St. Bernard breeder within 10 minutes in a snowstorm and may not use any type of bag other than the common supermarket shopping bag.
PPO will take a large breed to the vets after being neutered.
PPO will navigate through 10 small dogs without stepping on one.
PPO must pass an agility course.
PPO must secure a steady supply of used bags within 3 days.
PPO must be able to successfully get a dog to throw up in a bag while they are in the passenger seat of a car.
PPO must not die of shock when they have to cough up the veterinary fees to neuter an adult Mastiff.
PPO must not die of shock at the food bill of two growing Bullmastiffs.
PPO must sit in a closed room with at least two French bulldogs that have been fed broccoli and beans for dinner.
PPO Must live with two 5 month old Whippet puppies and not go insane.
PPO must vow to love, train, care and nurture their dogs for the rest of the dog's life.
PPO must accept that each and every dog is an individual which needs to live in a pack.
PPO must vow to educate themselves about their breed of choice and the requirements expected.
The PPO must vow to purchase the puppy from a reputable rescue/shelter or breeder.
The PPO will also conduct themselves and their dogs in a responsible manner securing liberties for the rest of the dog loving community.
Furthermore the PPO must manage to keep good humored and remember that for every insane, tough, bad moment, there will always be a hundred more good ones.
PPO must try to be the person their dog thinks they are.
Joy Carder
Test for Potential
Puppy Owner
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
- Sigmund Freud
The first seeing-eye dog was presented to a blind person on April 25, 1938.
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