 | ||||||
| ||||||
14. Move the fish to the cellar, the goats to the
kitchen, the uncle to the sofa and the dogs to the
barn. Rotate weekly. Add a horse to the mix on the 5th
week. Stop the rotation when the horse gets to the
barn. Confused, but grateful, family won't question
further.
13. Tell your husband that 'Ed' is here to repair the
cable.
12. "This? This isn't a horse. This is a common
Black-Throated Northern Debt Precursor'.
11. Organize a clandestine Equine Underground
pipeline. Connect to breeders and trainers in several
states.
10. Throw a $100 bill behind the couch. Yell "Fetch!!"
While family members are fighting it out you can sneak
anything (up to and including a troop of Marines) up
the drive, past the house, and into the pasture.
9. Blame El Nino: The new horse washed in at high
tide!
8. Wait for Halloween. Dress the new horse in a bad
horse costume and march him right into the barn.
7. Swear it's your best friend's new horse, come to
stay until she breaks the news to her husband.
Meanwhile she can be saying the same thing to HER
husband.
6. Start housing the kids out in the barn to explain
your long absences from the house and your frequent
comings and goings.
5. Have UPS deliver the horse in several separate
boxes over a period of several days.
4. Big Collar, license tags. Poodle trim. Insist on
calling the new mare AKC Fantasyland's Fifi
Splendiphoria.
3. Sneak horse in at midnight. Return to house wearing only a trench coat and skimpy negligee. Confess to the lesser offense: having a torrid affair with the hay man.
2. Don't buy another horse. Join the foreign exchange
program: you feed, house and culturally broaden the
horizon of a young foreign-born horse for 2 years. (Of
course you have to mail the neighbor's elderly
shetland pony off to Europe in exchange).
AND THE #1 WAY TO SNEAK A NEW HORSE HOME..
1. 'This horse isn't ours dear. He said he's on a
scavenger hunt and has to find 2 suckers with a
checkbook'.
14 Ways to
Sneak Another Horse Home
Animals give me more pleasure through the viewfinder of a camera than they ever did in the crosshairs of a gunsight. And after I've finished "shooting," my unharmed victims are still around for others to enjoy. I have developed a deep respect for animals. I consider them fellow living creatures with certain rights that should not be violated any more than those of humans.
~Jimmy Stewart
The horse that starred as Mr. Ed in the TV series, was a registered American Saddlebred.
