 | ||||||
| ||||||
Quotes Of Bob Hope
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
"I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe."
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
"It gave dirty politics a bad name." (On the Watergate affair)
Middle age is when your age starts to show around the middle.
"(Dan) Quayle thinks Roe vs. Wade are two ways to cross the Potomac."
If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. -- Bob Hope
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
"Ronnie's hero is Calvin Coolidge and Nancy's is Calvin Klein." (On the Reagans)
"He rules the country with an iron fist - the same way he plays the piano." (On Harry Truman)
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
The first golf car was invented in the late 1940s strictly for people with disabilities.
"A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal." (On President Carter)
"You never had to ask his score. Just count the casualties." (On Spiro Agnew's atrocious golf game)
I was called "Rembrandt" Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.
"I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support."
If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God
wants to play through, let him.
"I guess I have my critics everywhere." (In Saigon where a bomb went off at his hotel just before he checked in)
"It's hard to play a guy who rattles his medals while you're putting." (On playing golf with President Eisenhower)
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
"The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark ..."
"I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing." (Campaigning for Ronald Reagan against Carter)
I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there. (about his golfing)
"Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?"
"Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here – just for me." (On a visit to Vietnam in 1972)
"Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent do that."
"I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House." (On Gary's Hart's campaign for president)
"Harry had won by such a narrow margin he might not have made it if Bess hadn't voted for her husband." (On Harry Truman's narrow victory over Thomas Dewey)
"Everything Reagan does, Gorbachev does him one better. Reagan wears the flag of his country on his lapel. Gorby wears the map of his country on his forehead."
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
"The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the presidency." (On the many Democrats running for president in 1988)
"Carter wants to go to Washington. He'll feel right at home there - he was raised on a nut farm ... Every time he grins, someone tries to write 'Steinway' on his upper lip."
"I have it on good authority that (Sen. Joseph) McCarthy is going to disclose the names of 2 million communists. He has just got his hands on the Moscow telephone directory."
Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.
"Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days – whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn."
"I happen to know why he's running for president. It's the only way he can get out of the Army ... If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about." - (On Dwight Eisenhower)
"You still chase women, but only downhill". (ON TURNING 70 )
"That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing." (ON TURNING 80 )
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." (ON TURNING 90 )
", I do not feel old. In fact, I do not feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." (ON TURNING 100 )
"I ruined my hands in the ring ...the referee kept stepping on them." (ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING)
"Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'." (ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR )
"Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees." (ON GOLF)
"I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six." (ON PRESIDENTS)
"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'." (ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER)
"I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it." (ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL )
"Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother." (ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY)
"That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom." (ON HIS SIX BROTHERS)
"I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me." (ON HIS EARLY FAILURES)
|
